Ya'll, I need to be super real with you and for an important reason. Mental health. We see things randomly about it. It flies up in the news when someone who "has it all" takes their own life. But other than that, we really don't think about it, but we should.
Definition of Anxiety: a nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.
For as long as I can remember, I've had these out of body experiences that zap me of energy and leave me off balance. The most vivid one from my past I can remember was actually when I was 18, still in high school and visiting my mother. Ryan had called to ask me out, but that is an entirely different story! haha.
Anyways, fast forward to 2015 and very pregnant with Little #2. I was in class. It was the worse feeling of my life. I ended up in the ER because the attack made me not be able to feel this super active boxer inside of me. I thank Jesus that she was fine and they were able to figure out what I never knew, anxiety driven panic attacks.
Then I ended up with postpartum. It gripped me tightly. It was scary. For me, for my husband, for my babies, and for my friends who watched me sink and could do nothing.
FINALLY, I sought treatment. It wasn't easy. It wasn't an instant fix. It was many doctors appointments, decisions on if medication was a path I needed and if so, what kind and how much? It was finally giving in and seeing a therapist (who I still see 3 years later). It was acknowledging that as much as I forced myself out and doing things and as much as I prayed for Jesus to give my old self back, I was ignoring the help in front of my face.
Sometimes life is tough. Okay, it's always tough, but we deal with what we're dealt. And metal illness is not something to be ashamed over. Seeking treatment should not be embarrassing. Seeking out a friend or someone with experience in the area to just vent is 100% okay.
Unfortunately. I have had those thoughts about not being in this world. I've had those thoughts of being gone and things would be easier. But thankfully, I have a support system. I have come to learn when things get too dark and seek immediate help. I know that that's not fair to my friends, my loved ones, my husband, my kids, and it's not fair to me. I will live my best life. I will overcome.
This week has been hard, but it won't get me down. It won't be easy. It won't be pretty. It won't be pain free, but I will overcome the nasty effects that anxiety plagues upon my life.
I really have no idea what the point of this post is, other than maybe my own little form of therapy. Sometimes I just let my fingers fly and end up with something. I hardly ever read them over because that takes away from how it helps me. Honestly, I have like 2 author friends that I share things with and usually no one else sees the words. So, there's probably lots of error in this message, but that grammatical error is not something I'm worried about for a little blog post.
But it's time to erase this stigma for mental health awareness. It's time for people to be able to seek out help with out shame. It's time for people to stop saying, "get some fresh air" or "You have prayed to God hard enough or trusted him enough." It's time for it to end.
My Jesus tells me he loves me no matter what and He has sent me to this world to share that love without judgement. If you're struggling with any form of mental illness, please please please do what's best for you and seek help. If you need someone to talk to, find someone you trust. If you have no one come talk to me. I'm a fantastic listener and sometimes that's just what we need. Don't suffer alone. You have a support team behind you, even when the days feel long and never ending.
You've got this. You can and will win. Erase The Stigma. Live your best life.
Here's some helpful contacts for anyone who needs help!